Filing bankruptcy using a lawyer doesn’t take that much work. I made a few calls, went to a couple hour-long meetings at his office, and signed some papers. But during the last month, when all of this has been happening, my life as a graduate student has suffered. I don’t have a lot to do this semester; I’m only taking one independent study with Leslie, my dissertation advisor. Basically, this means I should read books and articles in my area of interest and I write brief reviews. Yet somehow during all of this bankruptcy stuff, my studies have come to a screeching halt.

That is, until this week. For the previous two weeks, I’ve known I have a meeting with Leslie to discuss my progress, and I’ve known I should probably have two more books read and reviewed by then. But as much as I tried to study each of those days, it just didn’t happen. Each day I woke up knowing I should read my books and write my reviews, but I kept finding other things to do. I watched tons of television, read blog after blog, and generally tried to repress the reality that I have a lot of work to do. I kept telling myself that I really needed to know what everyone on the messageboards was saying about Lost and One Life to Live, and that I needed to research the best vacuum cleaner. Even though I couldn’t follow through on it, I understood that graduate school should be my first priority, not my last.

Then something wonderful happened, something that hasn’t happened in a long time.

I felt inspired to study.

Spreading open my book, I started reading. And I loved it. I felt lighter, smarter, quicker, more in control of my life. The thing I had been avoiding so assiduously was the same thing I needed to feel better about myself. I had forgotten how much I love what I do, and how much I need my work to keep me sane and happy.

I read my book and I wrote my review. Then I emailed it Leslie, feeling proud. When I met with her, she was supportive and helpful, and I left knowing I was okay. I am going to be alright.